A new subscriber asked me the other day about the repercussions (positive and negative) of writing this blog, and of having a readership with whom I am also personally connected (i.e. the same people who read this are the people who I see more or less daily). He also asked if I ever felt like I used the blog to manipulate my audience for my own benefit.

They are good questions, not necessarily easy questions, and, especially as we had just finished a highly indulgent (and boozy) Four Seasons brunch, it was a little more than I could chew at that moment. So now I’ll give it a shot.

It’s true that a lot of bloggers write anonymously, and, even truer, we generally don’t know whether they’re writing anonymously or not. I, in general, cannot really hide (this does not apply to the 4 people who read this on the web of course…) So I suppose this blog is unique in that way. A very limited audience, but in many ways, perhaps much greater personal exposure. If I had thought about that when I started, maybe I would have done things differently, but this whole project’s genesis was very organic and unintentional, and by the time any of these things really occurred to me, the momentum was such that there was little I could do about them…and hence, I rode the inertia, and just kept writing what comes into my mind with [most likely too] little regard for the consequences.

It doesn’t bother me per say that most people know a hell of a lot more about my life than I do about theirs. It would be nice if readers who enjoyed or connected to certain pieces for personal reasons felt more comfortable (or motivated) to share that with me, but at the end of the day I don’t do this because I expect anything in return. What does bother me (as I’ve been known to lament) is when I see someone for the first time in a while, and express interest in “catching up” and they say, “Oh, I know all about what you’ve been up to.” Well….ok. First of all: maybe not. And second of all: how the fuck does that help me? Me wanting to catch up is me being SELFISH. I want to know about YOU more than I want you to know about ME.

As for the question about using this blog to manipulate people’s perceptions of me: I wish. If I was smarter/more conniving, it’s true I probably could have milked this a bit. But the thing about that is then it becomes something completely different. Then, instead of writing what’s on my mind, and having this be a record of my thoughts and an honest account, it becomes a tool. I like looking back on old posts, and I like having this archive to remember my time here, and remember myself. If I were to manipulate what I write to serve any other goals, I would lose all of that, and the long-term value of this as a historical and personal portrait is much greater than any short-term personal gains I may be able to extract.

Thanks for asking.